"to label me a prodigal would be only scratching the surface of who i've been known to be.
turn me around,
pick me up,
undo what i've become.
bring me back,
to the place
of forgiveness and grace.
i need you, need your help
i can't do this myself,
you're the only one,
who can undo what i've become." - undo, rush of fools
i always thought i could handle it, that i'd be strong enough, that when it came to it, i could say "no". i always though i'd never need to deal with it, i always thought i could turn my back, i thought i'd never even need to decide ever.
they tell us we need to say "no", we need to stand strong and wait, but they never said that it'd be this hard.
apart from all this thinking, the dilema still abounds - VCD or music next year?
and, exams are fast approaching. i want it to end, want it to go away!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
hot and cold
two weeks ago, i was frying in 37 degree weather. now, i'm freezing. it's been a while since i've written. i missed you blog. just a tad.
where to start?
there was formal in august, then woolaning in september - the trip which changed my life. truly. it was amazing. then, now we're in october. exams are fast approaching and everything is happening at once.
these days, everyone is stressed. including my family. it's the time of the year when people start to give up - when it seems most crucial. second day back at school, and i received some bad news, music and VCD clash next year as subjects -.- they were my preference 1 and 2! so, it's one by distance ed or drop one. which is gay, cos both are my absolute utter favourite subjects. music has the best class and i've worked so hard to get here and VCD is what i need for a future in design! maybe God doesnt want me in design. its such a hard decision.
one hard decision after another..
God challenged me to put HIM first. above studies. that is SO hard, and i didn't even realise how hard it would be. but honestly, i always feel like praying and i'm excited to pray or to read my bible now which i havent been in a long long time.
living for God means dying to ourselves and living wholly for Him, it's such a simple concept, but boy is it hard.
and my discovery of today - my amuzement if you will - that music can elicit emotions within you. the fact that as we were analysing a piece in music for it's texture, we felt scared because the music was one that sounded like the soundtrack of a horor movie. then, music makes us laugh sometimes. i'm not sure if un-musical people see these details. but, i love my music performance class for allowing me to discover these little but profound things in life - such as this: that music can change your mood, it can make you feel something, or react a certain way, that in music, you don't need words - just the right notes, that silence is just as important as sound, and that without music ; i would be a very depressed little soul.
so all in all, life seems a blur lately, like i'm rushing through it all the time.
it's frustrating, stressful, fufilling, exciting, detailed, crazy...
but, in all things, no matter what happens, if i fail, the world will still spin and Jesus will still be Lord. i take comfort in that.
where to start?
there was formal in august, then woolaning in september - the trip which changed my life. truly. it was amazing. then, now we're in october. exams are fast approaching and everything is happening at once.
these days, everyone is stressed. including my family. it's the time of the year when people start to give up - when it seems most crucial. second day back at school, and i received some bad news, music and VCD clash next year as subjects -.- they were my preference 1 and 2! so, it's one by distance ed or drop one. which is gay, cos both are my absolute utter favourite subjects. music has the best class and i've worked so hard to get here and VCD is what i need for a future in design! maybe God doesnt want me in design. its such a hard decision.
one hard decision after another..
God challenged me to put HIM first. above studies. that is SO hard, and i didn't even realise how hard it would be. but honestly, i always feel like praying and i'm excited to pray or to read my bible now which i havent been in a long long time.
living for God means dying to ourselves and living wholly for Him, it's such a simple concept, but boy is it hard.
and my discovery of today - my amuzement if you will - that music can elicit emotions within you. the fact that as we were analysing a piece in music for it's texture, we felt scared because the music was one that sounded like the soundtrack of a horor movie. then, music makes us laugh sometimes. i'm not sure if un-musical people see these details. but, i love my music performance class for allowing me to discover these little but profound things in life - such as this: that music can change your mood, it can make you feel something, or react a certain way, that in music, you don't need words - just the right notes, that silence is just as important as sound, and that without music ; i would be a very depressed little soul.
so all in all, life seems a blur lately, like i'm rushing through it all the time.
it's frustrating, stressful, fufilling, exciting, detailed, crazy...
but, in all things, no matter what happens, if i fail, the world will still spin and Jesus will still be Lord. i take comfort in that.
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