this week the trend

as christians, our job is to share Jesus' love, not to judge the world like the pharisees did, that's God's job. how do we remain connected to this world, yet don't step over to become too sinful and worldly and liberal? how do we remain in Jesus without becoming too distant and self-righteous and disconnected from this world? how do we bring the love of Christ into broken lives when we ourselves are clouded by our judgements of others? how do we break the stereotype of being a "conservative christian" into being one who can approach this world with godly principles? i cannot draw the line right now. i can't tell anymore if i'm becoming too much like the pharisees who Jesus used to get so frustrated with. Jesus himself hung out with prostitutes and sinners, how can i become more like him? how can i reach a lost generation when they feel like they have to be somebody else to be a christian?

too many questions, too little brain space to process it all.

blog post #2 for today.

please help this week end quickly and painlessly

my last blog post before this ridiculous week commences. you've gotta love year twelve and it's torture! my only hope is that i have prepared to the best of my abilities and that my best is good enough, please let it be good enough! there is a sense of sadness and relief that thursday is the day my vcd folio is due. it's been a huge task which has helped me grow, learn, cry, frustrated, angry, happy, excited the past six months. all i can say is that i have finally mastered the art of rendering metal and wood surfaces.. YES!

men are from mars, women are from venus

i desperately need a boy to enlighten me on how boys operate, because seriously, i can't figure them out, and i fear that i never will be able to. i'll spend the rest of my life on this earth finding boys a mystery.

true beauty

"the more we see the more we love you, God" - King of Wonders, CompassionArt

this week, i have been surrounded by God's beauty and creativity. God is the ultimate everything, but one thing i always forget is that he is the ultimate ideal of beauty, and it's not in looks, and it's not tangible, rather, it's seen through everything he creates and everything that he is.

When five creatives were interviewed by frankie magazine, megan washington, a musician answered the question "what does beauty mean?" with "wabi sabi... a Japanese aesthetic that focuses on transience and imperfection. Or incompleteness. Flaws are what make us beautiful". perhaps that's humans' way of justifying human beauty, but i believe that God is beautiful because of his perfection. why do humans always chase perfection? because perfection is beauty, because we live in a flawed world and we are inbuilt with a sense that the impossibility of perfection is beautiful.

i just look outside and stand in awe at the patterns, colours, textures, movement, engineering of everything he has created. he was the first one who created leopard and zebra prints, and i believe, the best at it.

and it's amazing how all of this creativity can be expressed. last weekend, i attended my school music camp, and i am continually inspired by the amazing people i interact with everyday, they are all so talented! last night, i attended the unit 3 drama ensemble evening for my friends, they did the most amazing job, and i just cannot stop thinking how much talent God has blessed my year level with, and the amazing potential that everybody has.

God is beautiful, and he has given us so many outlets to express this beauty - in art, in music, in drama, in dance... the list is endless, and so are the qualities that he holds. he is so perfect.

and so, as humans, it may be our flaws that make us unique, however, it is because we are made in God's image that we are beautiful.

the beginning of the end

the more time i spend with my year level, the more like family they seem and the more i know i'm going to miss them at the end of this year. i know that right now, all my mind can think of is the sac next week, and i rarely think beyond a week at a time in school time, but i just can't imagine what it's going to be like next year when i don't see these lovely people everyday.

it's so comfortable being at school now. you've got your niche. your little corner in the school yard (or common room in our case) where you sit. parties are always on friday or saturday nights and are fairly predictable. monday rolls around and everyone gossips about what happened during their weekends and what unfolded at the last party. when it's cold, we make a cup of tea, when we have double study in the morning, we make bacon & eggs & hash browns on the sandwich pressers. when it's lunchtime, we hurry to the common room to toast our sandwiches or heat up our food in the microwave. we sit next to our set subject buddies each subject, and even though there is no set seating arrangement, everyone seems to sit in the exact same spot every lesson. you become good friends with your favourite teachers and bitch about the ones you hate behind their backs. you push the rules the tiniest bit but not so much as to get in trouble. take our diary covers for example - not one of them is un-grafittied or un-edited. we get away with anything by saying "oh but we're in year 12..".

the topical issues never change, it's always complaining about how much work we have and how vcaa are trying to ruin our lives or getting excited about the next party coming up, or who is dating who in our year level, or people complaning about how a small group of people are trying to ruin our year by imposing their set ideas on all our major events this year. and somehow, that's all we manage to talk about. our worlds are so small.

on the holidays, we study a little, and chill a little. we catch up and watch movies together at eastland or chirnside, or if we're feeling adventurous, we go to knox or if we're feeling like superheros, we catch a train to the city. you can be on two sides of the study scale - the one end is getting your homework done at the start of the holidays and partying for the rest, or the other end is cramming your homework in a day before school begins. and suprise suprise, the day before school begins, everyone's facebook wall feed is jammed-packed with complaints of the load of the holiday homework and how hard it is.

we think we're so big and grown up cos some of us can drive to school and every wednesday, daniel hogg does fish & chip runs when we finish school at 12.

school is the most comfortable thing in the world, and year 12 work aside, we could do school with our eyes closed. but next year, this will all change. no more cosy classrooms or common rooms, no more familiar faces or subject buddies, no more imaginary assigned seating, no more high school gossip or oxley parties. next year, it will all change. no more eastern suburb kids who all live on the same trainline.

i will miss my year level more than anything else. i will miss my dear family who i've spent seven years of my life with. until then, i know i will continue to unconciously take them for granted...

stop stretching my heart, it's going to burst soon

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
Just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me
Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that
You're keeping me down

Keeping me down
You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long...

Gravity by Sara Bareilles, from the album "Little Voice"

visual communication and design unit 3

name the seat...
i am currently designing a seat for kids for unit 3 VCD. it is a hanging seat, which comes with a freestanding stand. it is similar to ikea's ekkore hanging seat. i don't have a picture for you as all my technical drawings are in illustrator files and my computer doesnt have illustrator as a program. so, the company is called "noah and belle interior furnishings" and is an up-market kids furniture company.

i'll give you a dollar if you find me a really cool name :)

freedom is here

sitting, waiting, wishing
right here within four walls
they're closing in on me
while my god he patiently calls
"climb out of there, you're dying,
i'm right here on the other side."
but everytime i try to move
i give up and say "i tried"
and slowly i'm choking to death
while my God desperately begs
"come to me, please baby,
to get you out, i'll drag"
I'm screaming and i'm kicking
while the devil whispers lies
"you'll never make it because
you're small and it's too high
just sit still, give up now,
you won't be strong enough"
but my God he is so gracious,
while the devil he just bluffs.
and all the while i'm frozen
too scared to make a choice
do i reach up for God or
just resign to the devil's voice?
i look up and stare at Jesus
his eyes so full of joy
as i raise my hand towards him
and put an end to all my toil.

written at 7.05 AM, 5th of May 2010,
in my journal.
a part of me no-one except God has ever seen before.